Misses Robinson

I really didn't want to do this. Writing for this website was supposed to a cathartic and relaxing exercise for me but instead makes my anger more focused and precise than ever before. Under the metaphysical blade of sincere human dissatisfaction today is a particular company that have ground my gears silly and so like a whining baby hear me moan.

“Beacon Services has been providing the very highest level of customer service in Security Services and Facilities Management for over 20 years.  All of our work is covered by our customer service guarantee making sure you get a perfect tailored service delivered with excellence on time, every time.”

A few months ago I applied for some work with a company called Beacon Services because music isn't always just money and sluts all the time. I went to the interview and typically didn't hear much back from them, until you know... I got in contact with them again... which I really shouldn't have to do. But to cut a long story short I spoke to a women by the name of Natalie Robinson. I wasn't going to use her actual name but I thought it was important; there's only so long you can leave a stinking turd in a toilet before other people start to realise.

On Monday she emailed me about some upcoming work that week. She then rang me on Tuesday to explain the two upcoming days of work one which I couldn't do due to my beautiful facial hair and the other which was all fine and we confirmed the days work. Robinson said she would be in contact with all the relevant information for the days work. The next morning, having not received the email that should have been sent the previous day, I decided to take the initiative and contact them again... because you know, I'd rearranged my day and other hours work to be able to fit this shift in.

Plus Natalie, you really ought to know this:

Verbal contracts are as binding as written contracts. 

Urgh, she didn't reply. Come on now, you said you would do something and then didn't do it, why should I have to get in contact with you? Do your job properly. Your Linkedin profile even says 'Contact Natalie' as 'getting back in touch' is one of her skills. Oh well. Stuff like this does happen perhaps a small admin error on Natalie's part so I sent her another email. 

I decided to invoice them, I had confirmed with Miss Robinson the work so they should be able to pay me for it. Obviously, because Natalie has the brains and has the manners of a malignant tumour, I didn't receive a reply, prodding for ANOTHER email. But eventually after nine days and me threatening to come down the office I get a response.

Argh! You've conveniently managed to miss out the part that that involves the predicament that we're in. Either you're sickness has affected the part of your brain which controls memory and intelligence or you have conveniently forgotten the problem to try and belittle me and my argument. Come on! Is it hard to send an email Miss Robinson? It is your job aftetall. Besides, everything she has said here is true, which is why we didn't agree to the Wednesday job, but agreed on the Thursday job. Remember? Should I have to make the first steps in communication because A. You can't do your job properly and B. You aren't a decent enough human being to empathise or even apologize for causing me to rearrange my day and lose money. What's more you really should send auto-responses if you're out of office to stop embarrassing and condoning excuses like this having to pop out of your lying mouth. But I also had CC'd one of your colleagues in the email, was she sick to? Is it just you or is your whole establishment sick? 

My next response was just telling her why she is wrong. It really bothers me as regardless to what happens, she is getting paid. But when her stupidity and negligence or even overwhelming ass-hole syndrome... has actually affected my life and income then I'm not going to take this lightly. You are going to hear about it, what would you do in this situation? I must assume that her rotting soul and insides have caused her to be off sick again because a string of emails go unresponded.... and still do! How professional Natalie. 

Another week later and tt would appear that Miss Robinson has been sick for a very long time now. Either that or she's so overwhelmingly full of shit that the pressure inside of her body has reached critical mass, exploding her around the office. I digress. 

This is so unbelievably petty and I do realise that, pathetic almost. However, I can't disguise my feelings of this is really wrong. The problem is she, nor her company have any respect for me and assumingly some of the people they are paying to work for them. You can't just mess with people's lives in that manner. What I feel is that I want to take something from them. A personal bit of vengeance, however that doesn't actually help the situation. There should be a mutual respect between all people period. What makes matters worse is after doing a quick google search on Miss Robinson, it turns out she directs this company. How shameful. That puts her in a position of responsibility that apparently she can't handle. Natalie, claiming ignorance towards a situation doesn't work, I'm sorry. You can't just 'forget' or pretend to be sick in regards to my emails. You're the boss, you can take a sick leave but you have a duty to fulfil and Natalie, ignoring the problem will not make it go away.

Like so

I don't want a job out of you Beacon services, you could at least have the sense or personal duty to treat your workers and complaints more seriously. The man has acted poorly and I'm not just going to stop like that. A company like yours has certain responsibilities and liabilities to treat people fairly. Your representative, Natalie Robinson has taken advantage of her role, probably forgotten what's she said and then claiming ignorance. NOT GOOD ENOUGH 

Beacon services you haven't denied your wrong doing here. As far as I see it, you owe my money and an apology. 

Where I've Bin

It's been two weeks since my previous post. I had wanted to make this a religious weekly occurrence but it turns out my primary school teachers were right – I am far too easily distracted. But it's not like I've been wasting my time by throwing wet toilet roll on to ceilings or making desk forts now, I have put this time to good use and no, I don't mean been by getting a job either – employers are still far too ignorant to realise what a boner asset I will be to their organization – I've been redecorating.

What an asset... 

In fairness to myself, I have lost a bit of weight since that photo. But having spent a lot of time in the confides of my flat recently made me think it was about time to pull up my multi-function utility belt and drag my living room into the twenty-first century. Consequently the new found 'man time' gave me ample opportunity to think about my life and the world around me.

Taking down a plaster wall with moves I learnt from Mortal Kombat meant I had to frequently visit the dumpster that Brighton & Hove council have so graciously supplied on my road. On these frequent journeys what ceased to amaze me most was the amount of trash people have managed to miss the bin with, like the floor of a men's public toilet or the area surrounding Nicki Minaj's lips, it is completely covered in unwanted refuse. My whole road and much of Brighton looks like this and I believe this is a good example of how a small shortcoming on all of our parts amounts to a world of difference.

It stinks too...

The thing is, I wish I could walk around and feel inspired. I'm not completely saying I don't, there are small gracious acts of kindness that can be witnessed, but on the most part cities are like a knife and that knife is bleeding me dry.

The advertising, litter, plastic barbies with their plastic ken all have me hating again. People acting out the repetitive script that has become the routine of city life, for I know tomorrow the sun will rise and our streets will be as dirty and disgusting as our ambitions are large and shortsighted. We have become a race of people bemused by simple pleasures, where music has become entertainment and not art and the earth has become a theatre to our ever growing disregard to, well, everything! We seem to think that we are sophisticated and educated people, but I concur. Humanity's utter selfish regard for the earth and future generations is epoch to our downfall, highlighting the ever growing bulbacious pussing drench that our wants and needs have dug into the heart of our maker. The Great Pacific Garbage patch is something that everyone of should feel utterly ashamed. It floats there poisoning the water and marine life around it acting as a living example of how just a small fetes of carelessness but on a massive and very accepted level can lead to huge problems.

Plastic sea ridden dumpster the size of Texas

Though that be the most famed of the floating garbage islands, the Indian and Atlantic have also been illicitly indulged. Couple that with our grotesque smells and toxic fumes and the literal sweeping of the dust under the proverbial rug, pumping our planet and atmosphere with our failures for all future generations to suffer and question. Not to think of the deforestation and further change to local eco-systems that have led to the untimely death of species. Damn, all this to wear or use a product that advertising and social pressure has you bent over to use? We are certainly not sophisticated and definitely not divine and beautiful people. No amount of make-up or even self medicating will ever repair that gaping hole inside all of our souls. 

We can't blame consumerism for this and in fact there is no point in blame, it's a sign that something's got to give and something has got to change. No force of man will ever match the force of nature and so we need to oblige, for as humans we never really have our own piece of turf we just borrow it for the time being. Although I feel mega-organisations should do more to prevent these things, this isn't exactly where I feel we should be shamed. What is really bad is that we now know what an impact we are having on the earth and most of us don't even care. 

He cares

I'm not exactly a crusader for the environment and in most circumstances other than this blog I tend to keep my feelings on the world fairly close to my heart. But if you're one of these people who believe rallying for environmental, social, political or economic change is something for hippies and lazy low economic earners then i'm sorry but fuck you. Hope the next super-strain virus takes you out for the world needs people like this. People who act out on passion. I crave it like a junky to the spoon I can never have enough passion because it is only ever rare and fleeting and one of the purest things. It makes me feel alive and it makes me want to live. We have the free will to be good, so why not make something beautiful? Rather than what we quite typically do, which is choose the option that is easier but shallow and false?

The easy option... Wait? Isn't she black?

There is nothing pure and sacred anymore. I cannot look at any representation of modern culture that doesn't make me suspicious and cynical of a greater thing going on where I am not the one benefitting but callous stupidity will make me believe I am... for someone else's gain.

Accidentally drop a piece of litter on the floor? Then go pick it up. Simple. But it's amazing how many people can't keep their crap to themselves in a literal way. See someone drop a piece of litter? Hand that back to them and urge them to do something proper with it. I often find it helps to be condescending... I generally get better results that way. But in all seriousness if you want to:

Change the world? You better change yourself

For the sake of your soul and for the sake of mine. Do something that matters and make this moment count. Like I said in my previous post, exercise with every move the world you wish to live in and wait for the others to catch up. Do something pure, act out of passion and inspire.

Like our friend, the blue whale. 

Emancipate Yourself

So, it's April and the Brighton Summer vibes are beginning to roll in. You can tell this for a multitude of reasons. Most obviously we have more daylight and can actually see the sun through the usual grey layering of cloud. Tourists are beginning to flock around the pier lining up to use the 2 pence slot machines and consequently blocking up the cycle lane like Johnny Vegas' arteries. The biggest tell-tale of the changing of the seasons would be this:

Nice tan...

We've all seen them, nonchalantly walking around as if orange is a natural skin tone. Honestly, why would someone do this to themselves? If we were to correlate a graph with how much fake tan has been applied running down the X axis and an a decrease of intelligence running along the Y axis then i'm sure we would prove fake tan to be a direct contributor to the education epidemic sweeping across the UK today.

The 'Cocksquirt Orange' as they have become locally known are an odd breed of females. I tried to do a bit of research of what makes these beings tick. Obviously my method was meticulously constructed to allow the academic validity of my results to shine through. My results were frankly, shocking. The average profile of someone living the tangerine dream can be seen below.

The women will be in her early twenties but will have the average sexual experience of a women way into her forties but this will however have been at detriment to all her other studies that would have actually made her interesting to most people. She claims to be into music and has her Ipod charged full of current female icons such as; Sticki Mivaj and Jizztina Aguilera (Now refusing to say their names). She will believe that she has found a connection and meaning behind these artists music and lyrics and her television choices too reflect this thinking that her life is so like Jersey Shore and Sex In The City. She's on top of all the latest fashions sporting wide sun glasses and perhaps even an angel wing tattoo one lower back, because you know... she's so quirky and interesting like that. She may be a little over-weight but that doesn't stop her from allowing her belly cellulite to be on show to all the world around.

A push chair pram and can of cider are an optional extra, but she can rarely be seen without a super-king cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She is currently unemployed and claiming benefits because she decided to take a bit of 'me' time out of work to get away from the stress her boss was laying on her. Her girl-friends congratulated her on being such a 'strong women'. To have her on Facebook is a death sentence. She continually mixes her grammar like a bad DJ, posts statuses about nothing, but worst of all we have to see how deep and cultured her and her mates are when they upload 78 pictures doing this:

When Miley ducks she's looking for...

OK, all this is a little harsh. I do believe that society and the media are particularly predatory towards women, particularly the slightly thick ones. Fake tan is just another unnecessary product dubiously marketed and advertised in extreme measures to trick people into thinking it will improve their lives. It is a total con as is pretty much everything else in this market. A few months ago I had to sort out a box of various products into make and type. The overall sale value of this make-up was over 5K! For essentially powder and face paint. I have to ask myself, who is this really benefitting? Not you, that's for sure.

The more make-up is applied to someone's face, the more I feel that person is hiding. It's the kind of thing you should only notice someone wearing when it is too much. Why would someone want to look plastic and also surely there are way more important things to be worrying about in life? The line is drawn between society pressure and vanity. Vanity is the most instantly obvious of someones fatal flaws and shows that:

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone

It is crazy how social wrong doing can be accepted across the board just as long as enough people do it and don't question it. Bill Hick's said that we don't always listen to the good guys and allow the demons to run amok in our society. As you peer closer into some of our trusted institutions, or rather should be social responsible institutions... such as banks, restaurants and entertainment businesses we can see that the way they invest their money is at an absolute impediment to the way we should live our lives. Like I've mentioned before with the whole Spiderman thing; 'with great power comes great responsibility', well as it turns out trying to find a mega-multinational organizations that doesn't reinvest money into weapons development or manufacture is like trying to masturbate in a public, it just doesn't happen. 

For instance here is a poster from the organization SETI who fund research into various means of scouring our colossal universe for life: Click Me!. This put America's defence budget at 663.8 Billion dollars a year. What gets worse is that the war machine is the single most profitting business model out there! This also makes it perfectly excusable for (pretty much everyone) to invest your dirty dollars into. Ever heard of a company called Lockheed Martin? What about General Dynamics? If you're a consumer chances are you've indirectly given them your cash. They are just some of the many, many businesses that exist below the average public knowledge line. A quick look at this shows just much the stocks held by some of these banks, technology manufacturers and conglomerates are actually worth... Barclay's shares alone are worth $223.19M and they are nowhere near close to being top share holders. 

I really don't get this guys. I really don't. I for one would really like to believe in the power of the human spirit to overcome obstacles and most of all the power of love to unify us. If I didn't then what would be the point? I don't wake up in the morning to go to some dead end job to then come home to consume and repeat till I die. What sort or world are we living in where I and you ALLOW this to happen. I am not an economist, but I am not stupid to know that to survive as a race and to fulfil our potential we have a duty to ourselves to get off planet earth and to further explore space, life, ourselves and perhaps even other dimension... who knows? But surely in order to do this we need to find peace and some sort of structure that doesn't allow this to continue:

Speechless

We cannot better humanity until we actively better ourselves. The way we live our lives and the way we think and the actions we take all have a knock on effect. Buddha said “If you propose yourself to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind”. If you can reflect the society you wish to see in your way of life then I believe you are directly contributing to the social morality obligation I feel comes with our intelligence and understanding of the world around us. If you do not then you are part of the issue that continually slows down our growth, a complete dead weight that society is burdened to carry forward with it. The only point someone should subscribe to the whole 'one person can't make a difference' thing is when they are dead. End of.

We can make this heaven and we can make this hell. If you are contributing to someone else's suffering then stop. If you are through ignorance then think. It is time to:

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery"

We take so god-damned much from the world around us and it is time to give something back. I for one don't have any answers but I am god-damn trying. What have you done for the greater good recently? Is this really how you want to live your life? Think and be kind.

So all in all a very dramatic turn of event in today's rant. I've established that Orange people suck which led me to reason that mass accepted ignorance is the downfall of our modern society and perhaps humanities ultimate undoing. Apathy is the enemy and empathy is the cure. I may just be blowing hot air and perhaps talking utter rubbish but it's all speculation. 

(F)art

Here we go, another week down which means a whole new week's worth of social entropy and personal distaste to comment on. When I watch TV I have a habit of turning over to Kerrang! during the ad breaks on the other channel. It's a throwback to when I was younger and actually enjoyed some of the bands they used to play. Back when Green Day actually looked their age and Metal bands didn't look like skinny suburban dick- heads. It has slipped over the past few years as anyone who has read the magazine in the past will know. It's become a modern day version of Smash Hits just with a little bit more "edge" to ruffle mom's feathers a bit. Bit It really is a pants music channel. It other shows a video they they've had the rights to exploit for about ten years or it exposes some of the more insidiously regressive bands that are available on the tween market today.

That is soooo 2007

Rather than another eternal re-run of Metallica's “Enter Sandman” Kerrang! had decided to show us this: Under the Influence – FML (Just watch it). I can deal with all the YouMeAtSix and All Time Low bullshit, it's shamelessly crap music that knows it's crap. We know and they know that their music is just a quick shortcut to sweaty pre-pubescent girls panties who think they're actually connecting with the music. It's almost OK for people to make such shamelessly bad music that rapes the charts like a rabbit on heat because, well, basically... If you are too retarded to realise that it's bad then fuck you, you measly social cretin. There is no artistic merit to be found in here. Honestly there is more artistic expression found in any of the UK's tabloid papers. But it is OK to like crap... as long as you know it's crap!

That is chocolate however

It almost makes me feel bad ripping into a band who hasn't brought in Youtube hits by the million, but fuck it, these things need to be nipped in the bud. Under The Influence's FML was so bad that it literally made me want to fuck my own life... with a knife... through the chest because whatever social and cultural phenomena that caused this to happen has to be eradicated immediately. Like the dropping of the first atomic bomb over Hiroshima, society needs to learn not to let this shit happen again!

Artist's forewarning of Lady Gaga's upcoming UK tour

Boys, if you are reading this. You're lyrics are about as interesting as a boxing day crap. In this age where recording equipment is as cheap as it's ever been you've somehow managed to create a sound that has the audio quality of a odd sized piece of carpet, let alone how undeveloped and boring your actual music is. Then there is the vocals. No. Just no. What is this east London wannabe on about? This isn't the grime scene, if it were your shitty excuse for vocals would almost be excusable because at least all your audience members would be to incapacitated to give a fuck. What are these lyrics about? Surely having FML, the meme based acronym for Fuck My Life as a lyric in your tune is about as artistically lazy as me taking a crap on a piece of A5 paper. No wait! IT ISN'T. At least that would say something about my state of mind, you guys have pasted together to very trendy forms of music... well trendy if you happen to be someone who owns one of these:

If so press ⌘W on Mac or alt F4 on Windows

That Enter Shikari-esque trance, meets poorly done metal meets a suburban rude boy faker (plus a few too many burgers on the waist). You have managed to amount to zero artistic merit. Well done... at least Susan Boyle was ugly enough to fake the public, but no matter how rough your faces look, no matter how weak your artistic credibility is or how manufactured and pathetic your image can be, times will never be hard enough to accept you.

Anyway, fuck these guys. I've been roaming around this week and Under The Influence aren't the only skid mark on the underpants of culture and society I've seen this week. The other being dog turds. Literally wherever I go there's a dog turd just a stone's throw away. Long ones, thick ones, sticky tar coloured ones. They are literally everywhere. There just seems to be something about Kemptown in Brighton that gets a dogs colon looser than Nicki Minaj on a photo shoot. It doesn't even end there. I live in a block of flats on the sea front as frankly I cannot bare to live with the shit munchers further in land. But with premium living accommodation you expect premium tenants around you. It's one thing to accidentally kick a poo into the road in the morning but it's another thing to see this:

Somewhere a native Indian is crying

A symbolic piece of our suburban loneliness perhaps? An unmade bed abandoned by its resident, a double bed parked on double yellow lines. Like piece of modern art the bed answered no questions. Its only purpose was to be there, in that moment as itself, leaving us to ponder questions of our existence in a forever shrinking yet expanding cold and callous world... perhaps it is us who is parked on double yellows? How long can we continue our addiction to oil. Pounding the earth for all its resources, yet cutting down the lungs of the planet and building motorways where once green pastures used to be? One day we will be forced to sleep in the beds we have made, except they shall be unmade, taxed and on the side of a freeway. Or maybe it's just a bad example of fly tipping.

Either way the council picked it up a few days later, it really had become a bit of an eye-sore and depressing to the elderly residents on floor four. But speaking of art there is another category I've started to put what I consider faux-art to be. Or (f)art in short. Here is an example of a (f)art on side entrance to the block of flats I live in:

Premium... We have CCTV!

I'm all up for graffiti. I think if you have something important to say to people it can be extremely effective to paint it across your city. Simon & Garfunkel said in the “Sound Of Silence”:

The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls

Right on! For all it's worth, be a prophet. Just don't be the spaz that writes something like that. You should never (f)art and especially not when it is at the inconvenience of others. We all know what follows a (f)art. A big, stinky flatuating anus that just shits all over us. Speaking of which, having done a bit more research, Under The Influence have made a full length album which is more than enough evidence to make my theory here a fact. This concludes my post of today. For every bad piece of art there is a consequence:

Never. Ever. (f)art in public!

"All photo-shoots are conducted outside"

Next Post Tuesday 16th, April

If you have enjoyed this post then please let me know and send me a comment and forward to your friends... unless you are Under The Influence or Nick Minaj's manager of course.

My Job Application Nightmare!

It's Monday morning again, my most hated day of the week is back. Seriously, what is this day's problem? It seems its only meaning of existence is to mark the anniversary of last weeks perpetual cycle of self loathing and animosity towards the establishment that rages on till the midnight tick... An establishment whose soul purpose in life is to make me feel small and meaningless... An establishment where only the cream of the lobotomised crop may flourish and one day become the bitch dog of an organization who never cared about you anyway... Enough with the petty pop anti-establishmentarianism for now. Anyway, My inner monologue is filled with existential questions about my life and many so many "what ifs?" that forever go un-answered only to reemerge once more as a more hardcore reincarnation of itself next week.

"Not again..."

Even whilst writing this I can feel the solemn drag that is caused by travelling too close event horizon of  the ever-growing black hole of unispiration that has formed in my chest cavity where my once beating heart used to be. Worse still, it's not till I started applying for the more menial, soul destroying jobs this morning that I started to feel this way. It has spread across my day like a nasty disease. This narcissism was carried with me to the local newsagents where I decided to veto my Dr. Pepper as they didn't have the Salt & Vinegar McCoy's I was after. I had accepted this as a failure and decided I deserved nothing.

At least this gets me

This is all due to the social conditioning I have allowed my self to fall into like a booby trap in my head whereby I allow myself to be judged how much money I make. Making no money means I am worth nothing. Or to put it shorter, “I am nothing”. But part of the setup in my weekly spiral of despair comes the part where I try and fight back. “Fuck you” to the man I say. But in reality what we end up with is this:

I wish to live in a world

With no money or systems of control

Where wealth is a state of mind

Not the size of your pay roll

*Slaps forehead* I like to think of myself as some sort of beat poet, a Jack Kerouac if you will when I write this. Although I like my sentiment, sitting around and mentally writing poetry about a utopian society where I essentially get what I want for nothing has to be the laziest of my thought experiments recently. This is the problem. This is where the paradigm is split wide open. I am obviously in two minds about this working situation. However, it's obvious, till the day comes that I can support myself as fully unemployed for life/self employed I will have to experience being bottom bitch.

As I don't seem to getting much out of CV littering and applying for crap online I've decided to try and get work writing. For those who don't know, I run my own music reviews site. I really enjoy it, I get sent CD's from bands who on the most part a pretty awesome plus I get to get into local shows for free and that's all I do it for as essentially there isn't a way to make money out of it. But because I'm trying to branch out and accept that perhaps some people might be interested in what I can do I thought I may as well give it a go.

But what really pisses me off about this shit is that a lot of the time, and you get this in degrading minimal wage jobs as well, but the person on the other side must have literally have a penis and a pair of balls for brain. There I am slightly degrading myself for the sake of a few bob and there is this literal retard spouting shit at me. What the fuck, man? If only the vagina had some sort of sperm screening process, I wouldn't have to deal with this shit as people... like... Nicki Minaj will have been terminated at source and in a way that is ethical and natural. That's right, I still hate you Nicki you utter, phenomenal waste of sperm piece of shit.

Don't encourage her!

But anyway, I sent an email to some bell this morning about a writing job, and this is what I get back:

What the fuck! I'm going to take the time to admit that often my grammar isn't all that and often I'm sure neither is my spelling. I do try, honestly. But most the time I spend ranting on a crappy budget version of Office. Let's call it Noffice. But as it's free it doesn't feature a spell checker so I'm sorry if I get the occasional things wrong. We all have blindspots. This stupid piece of wasted sperm can't even do the thing he is asking me to do. Even still, what the hell is that... it doesn't even resemble a job. Fuck this ball sack. So of course I let him know.

I don't honestly expect a reply from this oxygen hoarder as i'm sure he took the high road as he is way to uber employed to be wasting his time with me. But it really sucks. I've spent fecking ages over the last few months writing covering letters and CV's to send to random companies and the doing it all over again. But none of these people even have the decency to email me back. This just falls back to my post on human decency really, but still the sight of this would make me somewhat happier:

Sweet

At least I would know that the people care enough to have actually responded to you. This brings me to another point. When you are in employment, for the most part you are just a piece of meat that clocks in, makes the company more money than they are paying you and then clocks out. A faceless addition to the corporate machine. You may be earning a salary, but where is your value? This is why applying for jobs I don't want to do for people who are assholes is almost worse of than the feeling of not having a job because at least I am in control this way.

My life right now is about trying to gain balance. You need to work in order to live in order to do the things you like. Without work in my life at the moment I feel unbalanced. It's not good for the brain and if you don't know why then please scroll up the page and read my poetry again. (or just enjoy that line)

But honestly:

They are fucked and they're fucking us!

I may be being a little blind here so please correct me if I'm wrong... society has made me very cynical recently. Is it more, or is everything around me in the modern world some sort of advertisement for some shit that I don't need. Shit that I either have or don't have that I can compare to my fellow man so that I know where my place in life is? We are forever competitors in the rat race where the finish line is death and there are no prizes for the winners. The only choice you have is when to run. Once you do you begin to completely miss all that you are passing by with your attention firmly placed on that goal.

Don't get me wrong, I honestly do want to work but God damn the man is making it difficult, which is why:

“I'm just a victim of society, bleed me dry”

Saturday Mourning...

I hadn't actually planned to write a post today but God damn it!

They've given Jeremy Kyle a fucking show in the USA...

At least they have a higher rate of gun crime...

To make it even worse I decided to look up the Top 10. I really don't know why I do this but this is what we're looking at this week:

Seriously. Fuck you England.

If only Al-Qaeda owned a commercial airline company, ey?

Anyway, back to my day off. See you guys on Tuesday. Here's some tits (I need the hits).

Probably the next "voice of a generation"

Telecommunication Breakdown

I promised myself that today would be a day where I'd be able to walk amongst the fine people that make up the beautiful city around me without have write some new material for this blog. But no. Today, something happened that nearly ground my gears to a smooth piece of pissed off metal. The voice receiver to the brand new mobile phone I got six weeks ago failed. I know, boo hoo Dave. For most people this would be just somewhat of an inconvenience but the knock-on effect has cased both the perfect storm of hatred and loathing.

Don't even get me started

To understand why such a petty inconvenience has caused such an irrational and primal anger to surface I must indulge you in the story that has caused so much suffering in my life. Worst part is I could probably write a book on this. It would be a very boring book, but you get the message.

I have been plagued with ill telephonic capabilities for about a year now. Before I changed to this new contract with O2 I had literally become 3's bitch. My phone kept breaking, really annoyingly every few months. If anyone has had to deal with 3 or any badly run companies phone department you know how it is. I keep a tablet of cyanide in the draw just in case this sort of shit has to happen again. It seemed for months I was just going back and forth to their shop in town or having to speak to some randomer on the phone... and lest we forget what that's like. It brings shivers up my spine just having to type this so let's skip forward several months... One day I just stopped. I stopped caring and most importantly I stopped paying and I didn't have a phone for about six months.

It was hard to adjust at first to essentially becoming socially dead but of course but I still had 'friends' on Facebook. But what this meant is I didn't have the stress of being contactable all the time. I mean I love my “bro's” and that but it meant I stopped getting texts from people inviting me to their crappy social get-to-gethers or lame-ass gigs that I was just being invited to to buff out numbers. But best of all it means I didn't to have stress about making up a crappy excuse

I just want to be alone

It wasn't long before people started to get annoyed with this. Understandably, so I bit the bullet and bought a new contract, at least I wouldn't have to deal with that sort of shit again. For the most part, I don't have a problem with this company it's just half the catalyst to this raging fireball of anger and dispair that causes me to sit here writing this shit. HTC however, I do have a problem with but like everything else I hate around me it's for a reason. (Why does everything eventually make me hate it?) The phone I'm using to outright buy is £400. That's a lot of money... for a phone... that you don't need. But regardless. £400 pound. For that amount of money, I expect some sort of quality or even a parade of midgets chanting my name. But it would appear that our insatiable need for forever expanding and therefore disposable technology has caught up with the manufacturers. They are in this game to make the most amount of money possible, of course, like any business. But the one thing my phone actually needs is the receiver to work. That's why it's called a fucking telephone.

Is this really progress?

It's all the same. I pay someone money for a service. Service breaks down. Call them, spend forever on the phone and half the time listening to some shit pop music. But due to BOTH phones that make up my flat land line being broken I had to then get get on my bike un-showered and ride into town. It's weird but when you're in a bad mood, it's the little things that really start to destroy your mental sanity. WHY BIKE! Why must your gears slip! When I ride my bike I'm literally all hell bent for leather. I push it to the max. NO compromises. So when the chain slips even just a little fraction, it causes your whole body to jolt forward towards the seat. It is here that I really must state that in general life I am a nice, rational and I think level headed person. But the combination of mashing my balls onto my bicycle seat and the ongoing temporary psychosis that my year-long phone torture caused me to just about lost it. In the most pathetic way possible. With no outlet to funnel my rage I took it out on the nearest thing possible.

This seriously wasn't worth the effort...

I stopped my bike as fast as I could and launched it towards the ground. This sort of thing I must have literally made me look unhinged. I live on the coast and this was a sunny afternoon. Of course there was going to be fucking people around to witness this! In fairness to me though, whilst I was holding the bike in the air it did occur to me that perhaps this wouldn't be the best idea as I could break my bike, but I was certain that it had to happen for the sake of my sanity. So it sort of gracefully threw it down, absorbing some of the energy of the fall into my arms.

Moving on, me and my bike made it to town and of course in one piece. I hoped that by singing up with O2 things would be different, things would be simpler. But no, after being told to go to another fucking shop as they were to busy I had to sit down on the fucking couch of discontent with... more fucking shitty music. Seriously, WHY!

Another thing though. With this sort of anger I feel it like a physical pain growing with in. Like that scene from Alien where the creature bursts out of that dudes head. That's totally me man, except the Alien is my growing frustration.

"Fuck you Dave"

I'm not the type of guy to take this out of the staff as that is just unfair. But it means I have to sit there, feeling like I've been wronged but with no actual way of venting this! So I was sat talking to the nice man at O2 who's name is Christopher (but said to call him Chris), my face literally looking like a spanked arse. My eyes sort of do a weird thing when I'm angry too. They either open up really wide so I look somewhere between a bemused owl and a shocked Tarsier. Or, they sort of constrict in a way somebody would look if they were trying to remember how much money they drunkenly spent on their card after their cash ran out in some dingy bar the previous night.

It just really really bothers me, that companies such as these have no problem taking our money, but surely that should be reinvested (somewhat) to making a higher quality service and a higher quality product. By this I mean; something where I don't feel fucked over by some man in a suit. I have to take time out of my busy day just to deal with that sort of shit. Then I get all my phone data deleted which is annoying. For all they know I could be losing money to be sat on a fucking couch at O2 in the middle of a weekday afternoon. I mean, I am unemployed but they don't know that! Worse off, the spare phone I had to pay money for had a broken fucking receiver. Is this a joke!? Has my life become that pathetic that this constant ongoing agony has become a joke that even I laugh at? Oh God!

This leads me to my point... If there was one you actually managed to follow:

Why can't I trust people who take my money?

&

Why should I suffer for other people's corporate shortcomings?

 Bastards

Listen, 'with great power comes great responsibility'. Spiderman had his shit down. Money = power and vice versa right?

I mean our economy hasn't collapsed and the third world just left to suffer due to the good will of man... right? So, yet again. If we were to all just act like decent human beings and not try to fuck everything that walks we could perhaps make a world where this blog doesn't exist and corporations don't enslave the whole human race. Or at least I don't have to spend the rest of my days in fear of another telecommunication breakdown.

Next Post Tuesday 3rd April

So I Was Watching Some Late Night Television...

So, I was watching the TV around 1.30AM the other morning, one of the cheap and somewhat depressing benefits of being unemployed. Whilst on the advertising break to what ever crap happened to massaging my cranium at that hour when this advert was broadcasted. 

I don't want to live on this planet no more

This advert is part of a series on domestic violence to inform us as what actually consitutes as abuse and to remind us not to do it.
The above image shows our protaginst helplessly banging on a glass window that overlooks the scene of his evil and not being able to stop himself. Now don't get me wrong here, i'm sure i'm being somewhat shortsighted but what sort of society are we living where;

WE NEED TO BE TOLD NOT TO RAPE

"You what now?"

Worse still, not just told but reminded of what actually constitutes a rape or not. I'm not going to discuss  the morality of this sort of action, this is not what this post is about. However, i'm sure none of us need reminding that rapists are quite literally the worst kind of people. Let me say that again, none of us need reminding.

This sort of thing just makes me question everything about the social structure around me. Are the foundations and base structures to our society really that weak that we're close to the pillars of decency crumbling down all around us, ushering in the age of the rat where those who have survived are forced to forage amongst in the sewers under the major world citi... Sorry. But do we really need this sort of public broadcast? Also, that advert alone has over one-hundred-thousand views on Youtube!

I just hate being treated like an idiot. It's insulting, we're all adults... as why would I be up watching TV at 1.30AM, huh? Either way, this is coming from the freaking Home Office, so it's probably no surprise to expect this sort of mollycoddling and nose-dive in public standards.

Home Office: Lowering standards since 1782

I couldn't really get my head around this advert's popularity on Youtube so I made up some situations that would account for this. Now don't get me wrong, I am not making light of these sort of actions or any domestic or even any sort of violence in general. But, these adverts are insulting on many levels, to me, to the victims and to humanity. But anyway;

Reason 1 – Billy's actions were getting a bit out of hand so his loved ones sat him down to learn a little something about the word 'no'.

Reason 2 – It's a dramatic advert that gets people's attentions. In fact they have a whole Youtube channel under the name ThisIsAbuse, with over thousand subscribers and a million views! (Seriously, the fuck?)

Reason 3 – Everyone is as astounded and dumbfounded by this advertising campaign as I am. Watching them makes me die a little inside.

Honestly though, we are not children and I really refuse to be treated like one. To quote Pantera:

ARE THERE NO STANDARDS ANYMORE?

I've already explored how standards have slipped in what is considered music (you know... that dying art?) using our friend Nicki Minaj as an example... which i have also had the absolute displeasure of having to hear at least once in the last week. But society, you're still good right? Right?

*Slaps Forehead*

The hell man? Unfortunately Phil and the boys were right. One only has to read the newspaper or watch the News to realise that they're all lying bastards who broadcast news/lies that are in their best interests.  . Not even the papers or news networks have standards when they are people we should be able to trust.  I suppose this is part of what form our culture and they're treating every single damned one of us like idiots. If you don't know this, you are an idiot.

For those of you who don't know, Jeremy Kyle hosts his own TV show where he pretty much has a couple of Britain's lower class citizens argue over a situation wherein a spouse has either cheated or fucked some other guy around the time of their pregnancy. It's pretty much like Jerry Springer, just far sadder.

I know it's pointless arguing this sort of morality paradox. But essentially this show is about laughing at and exploiting the poor. This makes Jeremy Kyle a worthless, vulgar boil and wart combination gently rotting in the festering digestive track of a farm yard animal whose only hope in life can to be one day shat out into a steamy pile of crap that will one day become his grave.

R.I.P. Jeremy Kyle

I hate this man. Worse still he uses the majority of his screen time to exercise his smug power trip that is falling on deaf ears as for most of the time it's just a moron talking to a moron so we probably shouldn't be to worried as to where this sort of behaviour may lead...

*Slaps forehead*

The FUCK! So as much as I'm sure ITV and Jeremy Kyle are profiting out of this, why are they allowed to? Why is it OK for them to pretty much bait people into their shows who are too thick to realise that they are not being helped.

Society needs to question these sorts of things. This sort of shit is not OK which brings me to the point I've been trying to demonstrate;

We shouldn't have to be reminded to act like decent human beings!

"Decent human what?"

Next Post Monday 26th March